My Son Hates Robots!

My Son Hates Robots!

It’s time for me to call Maury!  I think my son might not be my son!

The “Facts”

Before we get into the conspiracy, let me review a few “facts” that might suggest Luke is really my spawn:

  • We have the same chin
  • We have the same (unflattering) gap between our big toe and rest of the piggies
  • We have the same love of super soft things
  • We both loved the smell of the nacho cheese magic marker (truly, magic marker novelty smells have come so far since I was a child!)

Oh, and I trust my wife and all that stuff.

The New Truth

But sometimes, these “facts” are not enough when new evidence is found.  Evidence that seems so irrefutable that everything else gets called into question.  That new evidence?

My Son Hates Robots!

My Love of Robots

I have a deep love of robots.  I love that they currently walk like drunk people, I love that they will someday help me mow my lawn, clean the house, drive my car and make life better.  And I accept that it is inevitable that they will rise up against us and will lead to the end of humanity (but all the time right BEFORE this happens will be pretty sweet!)

I’ve loved robots since the Transformers cartoons.  I have loved robots since GoBots, which were such crappy toys but were still robots.  I believe that one of the core traits of being a Webber is to love robots.

Gobots were such terrible toys!
Gobots were such terrible toys!

My Boys

Emmett, clearly my child, also loves robots.  He went to a science camp this past summer and his “invention” was a friendly recycle robot who would help you recycle things in your house.  Paternity Confirmed!

But Luke…  about a week ago I caught him doing this:

Luke was TAUNTING the robot!
Luke investigating the robot picture

Luke has a really cute “cooing” sound that happens:

  • When he sees Kristie, Emmett or me he gives happy coos
  • When he sees the dog, the cats or a soft blanket he gives happy coos
  • When he sees food, he gives coos and “mmmmm” sounds.

Luke also has a nice angry cry that happens when his life is not one of the above things.

Those are the only baby noises he makes.  Until he saw the robot.

Angry Baby Growling

Yes, you read that correctly.  Luke crawled over to this picture of the robot, propped himself up to look eye-to-eye with it and did an oddly aggressive growling.  He did it for about 3 minutes straight without backing down.  He did it with an internal strength known to strike fear into portraits of adorable robots.

And afterwards, and I swear I’m not making this up, he looked the robot up and down and then laughed in a strange victory laugh.

Luke ruthlessly laughing after taunting a robot!
Luke ruthlessly laughing after taunting a robot!

I tried to capture it in a photo.  I would have videoed, but since apple is too cheap to give us any functional space on our iPhones I didn’t have enough room.


Where Does This Leave Me?

I can’t imagine a son of mine disliking robots… let alone taunting them (again, inevitable robot apocalypse and all) but yet Luke did.  I still love him, and will raise him as my own, but from this point forward I will ask every milk man, UPS and FedEx delivery person and the pizza delivery guy if they like robots.

Sure, I may become the “strange old guy on the block who asks everyone about robots.”  But some day, this mystery will be solved!


Until then, I’ll keep working with Luke.  Starting small… with robot coloring books or “Baby’s first robot” books (if that’s not an actual book, I call dibs right now!)  We can work up through 1980s transformers, then modern transformer cartoons and eventually break his heart with Michael Bay transformers (seriously, dude, you ruined them!)

I do believe love will win out eventually.  Or at least until the robots take over.


Ok, so the robot takeover is not imminent.  It is coming, though!